I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
