Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
