do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
