last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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