Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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