they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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