I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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