Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
