I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
