Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
