literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
