i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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