you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
