Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
two words: eviction party
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
