I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
