i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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