Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
