The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
