You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
