If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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