I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
