everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sorry my hands just texted you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
