you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
