Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
NoShamevember. You game?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize