his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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