I feel like abortions should bother me more
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
