turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize