If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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