Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
