Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
