its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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