If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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