So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
