In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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