im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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