im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
