I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
false alarm, still single
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