Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize