Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
