So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
