She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
