I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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