i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
