Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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