i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
