He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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