I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
