Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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