we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
