God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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