sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Someone came in the potted fern
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
