I got chris browned last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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