I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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