i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize