this beer tastes like vomit already
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
