I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's blow job season.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
