i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
