wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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