He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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