apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
