Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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