They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
