good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
