allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
