The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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