so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
