how can u be prego again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
